Internet

Just to follow up my post from yesterday, I wanted to talk a little about internet and how it effects my life and surroundings. And first I want to say a little thank you to one man called Lance from Aussie and one boy called Aaqib/Pervie from Bangladesh, they are both two amazing people and they kinda made me start blogging more. Yes, they changed all this into a competition between us four to see who had the most interesting and most updated blog. Its not hard to accept such an offer when I love writing so much......

As you most likely have read in earlier posts in this blog you know how my life is at the moment and have been for a while. That is why I want to talk about internet in this one, and how much connections through internet actually have saved me many times during my life. 

So I'll start by asking myself this question; why do you feel like a great person online, and like a invisible and non-existing one in real life? Actually I rather would like not to answer that question, but I asked it and now I have to answer it. Might get a conclusion or I might be stuck at the same place I already am. So lets see now.

Online I act like the person I should be out in the real world, by that I mean secure, openminded, interested, funny, intelligent you name it. And many people really do like talking to me and don't always understand why such a great person like me are having such problems as I do, and that makes me start thinking. Do I really walk right into the problems by a choice, do I choose to have these problems I hate? Am I afraid to show the world who I really am, deep down inside? I never used to be afraid of anything. Does age have something to do about how I am? 

In Real Life I act like the person I think I have to be to recive others acceptance, not the person I want to be. I know by working up an attitude which said more like screw this, I am who I am and you are suppose to accept that wheter you like it or not, I might feel more accepted and more enjoyed out in the world. If it was as easy to do than it was putting it down in writings I would've changed tomorrow. In Real Life I am just shy, insecure, lazy, dumb and I could sit here for hours adding words to sentence. Maybe not hours, but definitly minutes. 

My conclusion in all this is on internet I can be whoever I want to be, even if I am sad I can actually be happy. Run away to a different life online, meet my friends, talk, play games and so on. I AM happy during those hours while I am online, but at the same minute I log off I am the real me again. And that is pretty weird. How can I turn off my bad feelings and just be happy and vice versa just because I log into a computer world? 

And who is the real me? IRL-Kathy or Online-Kathy? 

Not as happy with the blog entry as I usually am, I didn't like the style I wrote it in. 

Kath