Where is the quit button?

If it was possible to just quit life, where is the quit button? Don't get me wrong here, but sometimes it would be nice to just hit the button and just leave. Leave you life for a couple days and have fun in another lifeform of some sort.

I play this game where we are suppose to fight enemies and kick them out of the game, or the rim as we say. And today I got so Care Face that I just hit the delete button in every single world I play except for 2 of them. Yeah I know some guys will kill me when they find this out, but I am just tired. Tired of playing something that don't lead anywhere. 

Well, I couldn't find a quit button to click at school either. But I have decided that I am giving school up for now. It was not the right time for me to go back to school and not have money to do anything. Money is not the problem, the problem is more me not be able to suceed in school. I hate being the "looser" at school, being the person who have to work her butt of and not even then get great grades. 

So this is me trying to fix my life I guess. Quit everything I am able to quit. Sad that I can't find a place that supports the buttons that say; "Quit your life here with only one click!"

Kath

Internet

Just to follow up my post from yesterday, I wanted to talk a little about internet and how it effects my life and surroundings. And first I want to say a little thank you to one man called Lance from Aussie and one boy called Aaqib/Pervie from Bangladesh, they are both two amazing people and they kinda made me start blogging more. Yes, they changed all this into a competition between us four to see who had the most interesting and most updated blog. Its not hard to accept such an offer when I love writing so much......

As you most likely have read in earlier posts in this blog you know how my life is at the moment and have been for a while. That is why I want to talk about internet in this one, and how much connections through internet actually have saved me many times during my life. 

So I'll start by asking myself this question; why do you feel like a great person online, and like a invisible and non-existing one in real life? Actually I rather would like not to answer that question, but I asked it and now I have to answer it. Might get a conclusion or I might be stuck at the same place I already am. So lets see now.

Online I act like the person I should be out in the real world, by that I mean secure, openminded, interested, funny, intelligent you name it. And many people really do like talking to me and don't always understand why such a great person like me are having such problems as I do, and that makes me start thinking. Do I really walk right into the problems by a choice, do I choose to have these problems I hate? Am I afraid to show the world who I really am, deep down inside? I never used to be afraid of anything. Does age have something to do about how I am? 

In Real Life I act like the person I think I have to be to recive others acceptance, not the person I want to be. I know by working up an attitude which said more like screw this, I am who I am and you are suppose to accept that wheter you like it or not, I might feel more accepted and more enjoyed out in the world. If it was as easy to do than it was putting it down in writings I would've changed tomorrow. In Real Life I am just shy, insecure, lazy, dumb and I could sit here for hours adding words to sentence. Maybe not hours, but definitly minutes. 

My conclusion in all this is on internet I can be whoever I want to be, even if I am sad I can actually be happy. Run away to a different life online, meet my friends, talk, play games and so on. I AM happy during those hours while I am online, but at the same minute I log off I am the real me again. And that is pretty weird. How can I turn off my bad feelings and just be happy and vice versa just because I log into a computer world? 

And who is the real me? IRL-Kathy or Online-Kathy? 

Not as happy with the blog entry as I usually am, I didn't like the style I wrote it in. 

Kath

Freaking nightmare

How do thoughts get life? Why do we start to think about things that hurts us? 

Everytime I think my thoughts about life has dissapeared they just sneak back in and ruin my day. Why they ruin my day? Cause they remind me of every single bad thing I have experienced in life. So, why can't we think about good memories and happy songs when we lay down? Does it have to be dripped in sorrow all the time?

I know, I asked a lot of questions I never will achive finding an answer to. We all have our own lifequestions, that somewhere down the line we want a clear answer on. Do we have to get burned to understand life? Why can't we just enjoy our life without all those things which is simile to pain, sorrow and broken. 

It feels like I never will let loose, let loose all those hard feelings I have towards many people from my past. And even people from this presence. My heart is ripped in two, no not my heart, my soul is ripped apart. I don't feel like me anymore, feels like I am floating above myself and watch how I am falling apart, piece by piece. And nobody safes me, not even I, myself tries to fix me. 

Oh what would life be if I weren't me in this life? Would this shell I am living in still experience everything I have experienced? Or would my shell with another me, a stranger experience a whole lot of a better life than I have been living? What release the factor in whom that is going to have a good life and whom is going to have a sucky one?

I have to say that I really don't understand why my life is so damned screwe. I have one perfect friend, that is everything for me and she does my life better to live. And I also have my boyfriend, which I love very much. Of course my parents has always been good to me, nothing to complain about. 

If I were to complain about something with my parents, I would say me. I am the mistake, the problem who just makes life harder for them to live. Wish I had been nicer to my mum and dad when I grew up, not being such brat and hurt them so much. I can't forgive myself for hurting and dissapointing my parents. They are everything to me..

Kath

Love

Yeah, what is this thing called love? You can find it everywhere when you don't want it, and nowhere when you want it. What is the deal? 

Like, when you are heartbroken you see all those coupples around you, and it feels like a rollercoaster cause your head is like spinning so fast and you mind is all over the place. Why do you have to see a guy-girl, girl-girl,boy-boy, ppl in relationships kiss when you are all alone and hurt!?

Guess I never find a answer for that. Guess someone is there to just fuck up your life by showing you that extra little thing that make you jump outside that edge.

But who am I to complaint aye? I got a boyfriend, a really lovable one too. But he don't leave here, so I see happy in love couple all over the freaking place! 

And he also don't want to tell the whole world that I am his yet, still I am sitting here and just tripping, cause I want the whole world to know how lucky I am to actually have him by my side. I love him very much and I am so proud of having him in my life. 

Kath

New pictures of me :)

This is me <3

Guess I can call this the "real" first

Now that I have cleansed up in here and thrown Anto out, I can start blog about me stuff, and only me stuff.. If you guys are prepared to listen to it, and want to read what I have hidden deep inside of me. 

I can start with one thing though, and I guess some of you have figured out that I don't feel so good at the moment. I am sad often and might not respond as I usually do. But I am working on it. 
This summer I moved 8 hours further north to try out a new place and get a new start at school. And I lost some of my friends because of it, and that kinda pulled me down. I am very glad that I had my online friends during that time, or else I don't know what I would've done. (And of course my dearest friend Anto<3)>

After that me and Anto had some troubles with finding ourselves an apartment in Tronheim, so we go kinda stressed out. Not helping on my mood at all. But we finally found a place after one months of being homeless, almost. Thank U thoughts sent to Antos' aunt and uncle. 
To our bad luck this apartment was SO wrong, I don't even wanna talk about it. Okay, one think I can say and I guess you see my point; We could here those we rented the apartment from having SEX, and that I don't accept. 

So, we lived there for about one and a half month and we bought an apartment in an apartment-complexe. I am very satysfied! YES i am.. After that turn, I started to miss school, stopped doing my homework, started to be online all the time.. And now I might not get my grades. So I am kinda messed up! All my bad memories from my past is coming back to me.. Taking me on a ride all over again.. I won't let it happen, but it slowly makes me too afterall.. No matter what I want! 

But yeah, here is a little taste of what my head have to manage every single day...

New style-life changing?

Okay here we go again! We are so not good with updating our blog, but we will change :)

This is the new me ;) Would a hair cut and a new haircolour change someones identity? Maybe not, but I guess I would feel better.. Hope so..! So much has happend in my life lately, but the strangest thing ever, is that kinda the same thing has happend parralled with Anette. Weird! On the other hand I have never said that Anette and me are to normal human beings. 

It may be wrong to say that I am kinda happy that we are going through the same thing at the same time, so either one of us will get shitloads of complaining at different times. So Anette I love you for being here with me in my hardest time ever in life! <3

The pictures of todays makeover is down below this text so look and have a laugh or a smile at my account :) *hihi*

Anette is going to the hairdresser tomorrow so we'll be updating this blog tomorrow with her new hair change ;)